Wednesday, 9 December 2009

niggles, nonsense and................ nothing

Wednesday 9th of December...

Conceit City, population: me. And the headlines today... Stuff that annoys me.

Item 1: The fact that my English Language teacher cannot explain the difference between an oxymoron and a juxtaposition. Frustratingly, he can use the terms in context, but does not appear to understand their respective meanings; at least, he certainly cannot explain them. Question: what is the point of employer a teacher to teach something he is blatantly incapable of elucidating? And no; examples of the terms used in slightly inappropriate contexts does NOT count as an explanation. Even with subtle prompts and questions such as "so does it mean something like [insert almost complete & exact definition]?" do not seem to help. I'm not trying to insinuate that I am perfect (I have one or two minor imperfections, would you believe?) but I have had a good English teacher for the last 2 and a half years and feel confident that I know the definitions of most of the key terms we've been taught. My heart goes out to the first year students, however, that will only be taught by this clueless falafel-head, and who will never quite grasp the concepts completely, except to the extent of being able to say, an oxymoron is when you say like 'bitter and sweet'...........?!#*

Item 2: Girls doing their make-up in front of the mirrors in the toilets at college. Worse still, is girls who feel that the appearance of their face should take priority over my personal hygiene and do not move when I stand behind them. Excuse me, I just went to the toilet and peed on my hand a bit. I now need to wash this off, but I can't reach the sink because your fake Louis Vuitton bags are sitting all around it and you are standing in my way... Yeahhh, and now that you've moved 4 inches to let me in, my personal space is so restricted that my hands are too close to the tap and I am spraying water on your stupid bag. I hope your bronzer brush gets damp and makes it difficult to achieve that 'airbrushed' effect that you always fail to reconstruct.

And finally (I don't like to be too Negative-a-Nancy) Item 3: Fake laughter in a silent room. Why? Stop sacrificing your dignity, please, you are making everyone around you uncomfortable. I know you are only trying (desperately) to bond with a fellow human, but really, is it necessary to pretend that you find them so amusing that you might actually hyperventilate and die or fart involuntarily (and probably still die)? Fake laughter is one thing, but fake hysterical laughter is just horrid. Furthermore, those around you feel obliged to either laugh or pretend they can't hear you. Which, in turn, makes the rest of us look like grumpy bastards (or desperate psychos). It makes me shiver at the thought of finding myself involved in a conversation with you. Please relax... And breathe.